How Relaxing Out of Resistance is the End to Suffering

The Moments I Stop Arguing With Life

Tower of Steps. Niagara Falls, Canada

All suffering comes from resistance.

I’ve been running an experiment to test this theory, and so far, I can’t find any holes. I searched for decades, looking for the doorway to that grand connection with everything. Looking for a deep, steady happiness in life. And anxiety was my greatest constant companion. Worry. Fear. Attempting to control life and its outcomes.

Then mindfulness knocked on my door. And in my exhaustion, I let it in.

For three months, I committed to understanding how mindfulness could become my BFF.

It wasn’t pleasant.

I turned off the noise and electronics as much as possible. Even when I wanted to listen to someone else’s success story about finding peace. Even when I wanted to occupy my time on my phone in the grocery store line. Even when I wanted to emotionally eat. Actually, that last one came later. I had to move through a certain amount of anxiety and boredom before I had the stamina to stop using food as an escape. Food is such a sweet, quick, easy fix. Especially the sweet.

I had to force myself at first to sit. With the anxiety. The feeling. The boredom.

The 25-minute commute home after dropping our son off at school felt gut-wrenching. I did not want to feel any of it. I couldn’t seem to move through it. I couldn’t talk myself down. I couldn’t “allow” it or “welcome” it. I couldn’t accept it.

I was resisting.

I couldn’t seem to stop resisting.

The pattern of resistance was deeply rooted. It was how I moved through the world. A hard habit to break.

Before this more concentrated retraining of my mind to relax and allow, I spent about six months noticing. Watching my mind. Feeling what was there. I got pretty good at catching the spiral, those moments where thoughts and emotions twist together and it feels like a reaction is about to erupt. Most often in my relationships.

In those moments, I practiced reminding myself: I am not these thoughts. I am not these feelings.

At the same time, I reminded myself, whenever it came up, that I am the Source all things arise from.

These practices became the core of my mindfulness. I didn’t have a step-by-step plan. I was just so tired of not feeling whole. Not feeling happy. Of suffering through my days with only small flashes of relief when something went my way.

I knew, deep in my core, that this life is meant to feel beautiful.

And now I see it.

All of my suffering has come from resisting.

When I allow thoughts and feelings to be there, and move at their own pace, and remember they are not who I am, there is no suffering.

I’m honestly surprised I’ve reached this point. Part of me had given up. And another part refused to accept a life of suffering and kept going.

I didn’t do this alone.

I’ve worked with healers who helped soften the walls around my heart so I could hear that inner voice more loud and clear. The voice that refused to let me forget. A recent ThetaHealing session with Kyle Fisk seemed to catapult me forward. Wow! This down-to-earth Goddess knows how to pull the false beliefs up by the roots!

I’ve done this alongside my husband, Andrew Baglia ✨⛏️ . We are opposites in many ways, and we trigger each other plenty. But at the core of our relationship is a shared commitment to living from Source. He would say it differently, probably through a poem or a story. You should check out his work. It’s brilliant. If I do say so.

I’ve done this here, on Substack. In the safe space of The Creator Retreat with Teri Leigh 💜 and Alexander Lovell, PhD and the amazing community they curated. The community that is helping me remember the weeds aren’t weeds. They are wildflowers.

And I’ve done this through reading, writing, and connecting with this Substack community over the past few of years. People here to grow, to be their best, to learn a grander way of experiencing life. Letting this space mirror back my own fears around value and acceptance. Learning to relanguage it all. Seeing that the thoughts and feelings about not getting enough views or hearts are not demons.

They’re just thoughts and feelings.

Passing through.

I don’t have to grab them and hide them away, only for them to come roaring back louder later.

I’m not experimenting anymore. This is the relief I’ve been searching for. I’m deepening my practice.

Still watching.

Still learning to let life move through me.

I hate coming across evangelical, but you might want to give this a try.

What happens
if you stop resisting
just one thing today?

_____________________________________

Wishing you moments of letting life move through you, just as it is.

💚✨ Dancing over the Edge of Enlightened
—Edge Dancer · Connie

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