Emotional Strength is the Muscle We Need the Most.

From deadlifts to door slams: what emotional resilience really takes

Photo by Lorin Both on Unsplash

Sitting in a bucket of ice water is agonizing.

They have those now, you know. Inflatable tubs. Big enough for an adult to sit in. And fill with ice water.

But I get it.

I jump into our above-ground pool early in the season, and it is so uncomfortable. I want to scream. In fact, I usually do. Those first few weeks? Blah!

But you know what I’ve found? That discomfort makes the warmer days feel glorious. The contrast deepens the joy. And when I get into my swimming groove. Laps and breath and rhythm. It feeds my soul like nothing else.

Physical Pain, No Problem

I’ve always had a high tolerance for regular life’s physical pain. I’m not referring to pain from acute or chronic injury or disease. That’s a story for someone else to share.

Two natural childbirths. The burn of a tough workout. Pushing through a set of heavy weights. I love that kind of intensity.

When I’m working out, I don’t beat up on myself if I can’t do three sets with the next 5-pound increment. I just do what I can. It feels great just to be pushing myself. There’s no looming goal I have to hit in order to feel successful. I just move my body hard and feel better through my day.

But Emotional Pain? That’s Another Story

But with emotional "weight lifting"? My mind turns into a meany. It yells. It criticizes. Tells me I should be further along. That I’ll never master this. That I failed. Again. Because I slammed a door. Or didn’t take the opportunity to "process" my feelings the way I wanted to.

This is where my mindfulness practice kicks in. After a year of steady practice, I’ve gotten good at clearing my mind in the calmer moments. But when the triggers rip the Band-Aid off old wounds? I still find myself spiraling. I shut down. I forget everything I know.

Building Emotional Resilience

And still, this is resilience building.

Because I see it now. Even if the insight comes after the storm, I’m tracking it. I understand what sets me off. What makes me tick. What patterns keep repeating.

This is growth I can celebrate.

This is the emotional version of adding five more pounds to the bar and getting through two solid sets.

When we learn to love the process, it gets lighter. Because there is no endpoint. That’s the whole point. Growth isn’t a destination. It’s evolution. Development from a simpler to a more complex form (per Webster).

And that evolution is happening. Every day.

Learning to Stay With It

But emotional pain? That’s been my Achilles heel.

Historically, I’ve run from it like the plague. I’ve flinched, fled, or shut it down. But lately, I’ve been learning to sit in it. To face it. To stop treating emotional discomfort as the enemy.

It’s not easy to do. Especially with a family, high-energy kids, and a bedroom door that doesn’t lock. The fashionable interior barn doors look great but suck for those who crave escape. But I’m learning that the same resilience I’ve cultivated physically, I can bring to the emotional realm.

I’m working on getting to a place where I say: “Bring it on.”

Training the Emotional-Self Like the Body

Just like I challenge myself physically—biking, hiking, even on vacation with early morning brisk beach walks—I can challenge myself emotionally. Not to suffer, but to stretch. To grow. To alchemize the heat of big feelings into something golden.

It’s terrifying and uncomfortable. But it’s not that difficult. Just a different language.

The mind wants to complicate it. The ego wants to jump in and narrate a story about how I suck at this. But if I tune in, if I listen, I can use mindfulness as my translator.

Because if I don’t quiet the ego’s spiral, my mind and emotions will tag-team me into the old loops: blame, reactivity, victimhood.

A New Kind of Strength

That’s where presence comes in, when I quiet the mind. That’s where I hear the whisper of wisdom—Jesus, Yoda, some ancient voice within—coaching me:

"It’s time to take your strength into the next phase. Master the emotional realm. Alchemize feeling into fuel. Into light."

Thank you, Jesus. And Yoda (for reminding me, "Now feel, you must.") And of course, George Lucas, for following your creative dream.

Just like I nourish this 1967 body—(you do the math. No really. Because I never can remember my age. It drives our kids crazy)—and she gives back to me with her flexibility, endurance, and balance…

She lets me carry the kayak. Push 100 pounds overhead, hoisting the Sienna van pop-top (best aftermarket purchase ever). Rearrange furniture solo because I’m too impatient to wait for help.

Bringing It Into Balance

The body is strong. It’s time for the emotional intelligence to catch up.

My husband? Emotional awareness Ninja. He knows what he’s feeling before it hits the air. I’m learning to meet him there.

We all have strengths. And if we stop overcompensating in one area to cover the gaps in another, life starts to balance. To align.

We stop living lopsided.

We stop hiding from the feelings that could actually teach us how to be free.

I’m not ditching my physical drive. I’m redirecting it. I’m using that Tasmanian devil energy to run toward emotional mastery instead of away from it.

And when we do that—when our strength meets our soft places with kindness and curiosity—life shifts.

Struggles don’t disappear. But we learn to move through them like tai chi: fluid, grounded, graceful.

Even when the water’s frigid.

An Invitation

Writing helps me see my growth more clearly. If it brought something into focus for you too, share it. Feel free to drop a comment. Or just sit with it awhile. We’re all building something.