A joyless life is a tragedy most people live.

You have to give up comfort to avoid this doom.

Photo by Aedrian Salazar on Unsplash

Feeling dead is the baseline for most people. It feels normal.

They walk around like zombies with an IV drip of caffeine to keep them moving. They aspire to have the people, places, and things in their lives lined up in a nice row so they feel safe.

This is not Joy.

This is not the deep rich happiness we’re meant to have.

Real Joy happens when we’re willing to get a wrecking ball to all the lines and walls we’ve constructed. Tearing it all down so we can have a life worth living. 

We have to be socially unacceptable

I pee in a cup in the morning because I don’t want to wake up the house to use the toilet. People in the culture I live in would think this is gross. My Mom would think it’s weird.

I get up before the sun and the birds and the kids. I need the me time. It allows me to connect with my self and voice. To meditate and write.

I gave up sugar. I love sugar. Our culture loves sugar. Sugar gives me a little jolt to help me keep going. It settles my emotions for a few minutes. But the tired and stress come crashing back in heavier and louder than before.

I’ve been turning down extra work that would give us the money to make some much needed home repairs. Work that would dominate my calendar and suck the life out of me with boredom.

I like peeing in a toilet. I like eating a cream filled chocolate glazed donut that tastes like wedding cake. I like the benefits of having a job. 

Fortunately, I’m beyond being able to quiet the relentless voices in my head telling me there’s more to life.

Going it alone will send you into a tailspin

Most of us grew up with some degree of dysfunction in our family. Our parents or caregivers did the best they knew how. Maybe it left us feeling at the end of the day we’re the only one we can really depend on.

I had a huge chasm in my relationship with the family I was born into for many years when I started my journey to wake up in life. 

There’s a higher force at work in this little life we live. A force that wants us to feel the bigness of it all. I’m nervous to give it a name for the wrath of society. I’ll call it God for now.

It's easy to not believe. It's easy to not try to understand this force because we feel overwhelmed, lost, confused about how to allow this seemingly intangible essence to permeate our being. Our mind, our emotions, our body.

But it's painful to not believe. Full of suffering, loneliness, feeling small and powerless.

It takes Faith. It takes patience. It takes practice. It takes being ok not going it alone.

We have to be willing to feel around in the darkness.

Getting to know this higher force is the most important and significant skill we can develop. It's a skill that paves the path to real Joy.

We have to shut up and sit still

Meditation feels about as exciting as brushing my hair. It’s not a big deal. I started a meditation practice. Again. But this time the shifts I am making from this seemingly uneventful practice are huge.

It lasts about 10 minutes. I have grand plans to extend it. Maybe after the kids are grown.

I spend the time coming in and out of clearing my mind. I meditate to connect with the spaciousness. To hear my higher voice. 

I hear this uncensored wisdom that makes my head spin around to see, “Who said that!?” And I realize it’s that voice inside me saying it.

It's becoming my default to ask for guidance when I'm in a situation that is dragging me down. I hear this embracing internal voice so clearly and so often these days.

And strangely, I seem to have the obedience to follow through on what I’m hearing. Who knew my rebel spirit would be excited about the “obedience” word one day.

Say goodbye to your best friend

Sugar has always been there for me to soothe my emotions and give me that boost to keep me going. When I gave her up it felt like I was saying goodbye to my best friend.

But the truth is sugar robs me of my feeling, inflames my body, fogs my mind.

It seems like such an innocent little thing. Taking front stage at all the family, friend, and work events.

I have a renewed excitement to grow old gracefully and powerfully.

And sugar my dear, you have no place here.

No one likes tough love

Our kids protest, "You're so mean!" when we deny them sweets and screens close to bedtime.

Our friend frowns when we ask them to stop dumping complaints into our coffee talk.

Our Mom bristles when we redirect the conversation from feeding her victim identity.

And we feel like a heel. Because real care can feel rude and harsh.

Tough love is a long tight stronghold, putting Ego in a headlock so we can build authentic connections.

Taking a Joy ride

We took the kids to see the movie Inside Out 2. I was bawling for the character Joy.

Joy is the one thing I have chased the most. Next to Freedom maybe.

Joy feels like the one that lifts us up in any situation. It's the one that helps our heart sing when things turn out and when they don't.

When we get the praise and acknowledgement and when we get the judgement and criticism.

When we get the big win and when we feel like a loser.

When Joy is strong we can turn any, "I'm not good enough" into "I'm a good person."

And when our sense of self is strong and positive and powerful there's no stopping us.

Thrill seeking is a distraction

Fast intense roller coasters were my favorite as a kid. No hands holding on to the rickety car for the big stomach wrenching drops.

I used to love horror movies. There aren’t enough hands to cover my eyes to sit through what’s out there these days. I’m way too sensitive now to be able to shake them off.

I've had this voice screaming in my head for decades telling me, "This isn't it! There's WAY MORE to life. Ditch these human playground toys for Enlightenment! Oneness!”

I read a post recently from someone sharing their experience of reaching an Awakened state. This seems more fitting. And it’s not settling for something lesser. It feels like the Joy of weaving our human self into our higher self.

Final Thoughts

None of us are immune to the trappings of a comfortable life.

I have an internal navigation system that will not allow me to settle. It’s been shouting, “Oneness or Bust!” for years.

It has kept me on edge. Dissatisfied with life. Feeling guilty for not being happy with the wonderful family I have, the circle of friends I’ve grown, the autonomous good paying job I’ve fought for.

I’m discovering a new level of peace I’ve never felt before. I’m realizing being on a path of Awakening isn’t about settling for something less than oneness. It’s about reaching that 51% mark where you can start to feel the Joy in the unfolding.

It’s about stepping outside our little comfort zone so we can feel the magnitude of the amazing life we’re meant to live.

Tell me how you’re excavating Joy in your life in the comments.