So generous and relatable, this public letter to self. I got curious one time about something I noticed in myself and decided to find out if it was true for others, so I did an exercise in my next pubic speaking presentation. I asked everyone to take out a piece of paper and to quickly write down, without editing, five things they most wanted more of. Then, I asked them to set that list aside, and again, quickly without editing, I asked them to write down the five things they most often waste. Finally, I asked everyone who had written "money" and "time" on BOTH lists to raise their hands. 80% of the hands went into the air. This is true for me too. More money and more time are on my wish list, and they both appear on my waste list. Self observing for a while, I concluded that both are forms of resources that allow me to get to the business, the purpose, of what I came here to do. And that's scary. So when I gain the resources to get down to the real work of my purpose, I often shed those resources, unconsciously, as a way of veering away from the risk and exposure of showing up in that vein. Sorry for ranting here in your comment section. That's just what came up. Don't know if it's helpful. But I loved your post. So honest and true. Bless your generously shared on-the-edge journey.
"I need quiet time to digest topics that trigger before I can reenter a conversation." I totally understand this. About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Autism, and began to understand my need to process those things that trigger me, in some way. Thank you for this wonderful post. As always you get to the heart of things and give us great food for thought (and a chance to look at our 'triggers' again, in hopes of finding a path to wholeness and healing). Peace & Blessings.
This is absolutely beautiful, and profound, and an excellent depiction of the inner struggle so many of us live when money comes to the front of anything and everything.
Thank you for speaking this out loud. For honoring it. I honor you for stepping into this uncomfortable space, having a heart-to-heart conversation with it, and sharing that inner conversation with us all.
I certainly agree with Teriās comments! Your words are poignantly entrancing; mentally soaking them up as the words landed softly š . . . then feeling them again as they landed firmly. š¬ Thank you so much. š
Something I've deeply realised over the past few weeks is this...we associate safety, security and a sense of trigger around money because we focus on the HOW.
For example, earlier everytime I wanted to change my reality in specific ways and my mind automatically went into "oh we'd need this much. For that we'd need X clients, need to work Y hours and bill Z income." It caused that immense duality with money and even when I was present in my power and belief...a weird desperation kept dragging me in.
One day it struck that I don't need to care about how it happens at all. In a way I was limiting myself, by not allowing the universe to surprise me in the best ways. It felt like a click. Once I just let go of this? Life rearranged in 2 weeks.
Everytime we ask for something from a place of pure joy, purpose and happiness, the universe rearranges our whole life...as if waiting for us to just ask. Everytime we ask for X to receive Y we feel a block. I don't know why I felt like sharing this here...but I did.
What youāve mapped here isnāt just a tension about money. Itās a sacred, stumbling recognition of where power ends and meaning begins.
Your scene at the Christmas parade laid it bare: the invisible rules about who abundance is for. Thatās the same silent contract we live under every dayāwhere we demand proof of worth from people but grant it automatically to a $20 bill. Weāve been taught that money deserves unconditional acceptance, while humans must earn it through performance, stability, and trust. You felt the violence of that double standard in your bones when you wondered about the unhoused person reaching for the feast. Who is this for? It is a moral question, and money cannot provide an answer.
So your pivot is the truest one: āI do not want money. I want joy. I want ease. I want peace.ā Money can buy the feast, but only the soul can decide who gets a seat at the table. It can purchase comfort, but it cannot manufacture dignity. It can solve problems of form, but it cannot answer the deeper hungerāfor belonging, for safety, for being seen as inherently valuable.
Money can build the table, but only the human heart can decide to make the feast for everyone.
So generous and relatable, this public letter to self. I got curious one time about something I noticed in myself and decided to find out if it was true for others, so I did an exercise in my next pubic speaking presentation. I asked everyone to take out a piece of paper and to quickly write down, without editing, five things they most wanted more of. Then, I asked them to set that list aside, and again, quickly without editing, I asked them to write down the five things they most often waste. Finally, I asked everyone who had written "money" and "time" on BOTH lists to raise their hands. 80% of the hands went into the air. This is true for me too. More money and more time are on my wish list, and they both appear on my waste list. Self observing for a while, I concluded that both are forms of resources that allow me to get to the business, the purpose, of what I came here to do. And that's scary. So when I gain the resources to get down to the real work of my purpose, I often shed those resources, unconsciously, as a way of veering away from the risk and exposure of showing up in that vein. Sorry for ranting here in your comment section. That's just what came up. Don't know if it's helpful. But I loved your post. So honest and true. Bless your generously shared on-the-edge journey.
Thank you Rick. I always love your comments and contributions. Brilliant exercise and insight!
"I need quiet time to digest topics that trigger before I can reenter a conversation." I totally understand this. About 10 years ago I was diagnosed with Autism, and began to understand my need to process those things that trigger me, in some way. Thank you for this wonderful post. As always you get to the heart of things and give us great food for thought (and a chance to look at our 'triggers' again, in hopes of finding a path to wholeness and healing). Peace & Blessings.
Thank you Willowbei. This means a lot coming from you š
This is absolutely beautiful, and profound, and an excellent depiction of the inner struggle so many of us live when money comes to the front of anything and everything.
Thank you for speaking this out loud. For honoring it. I honor you for stepping into this uncomfortable space, having a heart-to-heart conversation with it, and sharing that inner conversation with us all.
I wish I could hug you big right now.
Please know, I feel you.
Thank you Teri Leigh. You push and prompt me in all the good ways š
I love it when you said,
It can solve problems in form.
But it cannot resolve the inner contraction that keeps recreating them.
That is so true. I'm working on that myself.
I think we have a lot in common Adrienne. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I know you're a busy woman š
I certainly agree with Teriās comments! Your words are poignantly entrancing; mentally soaking them up as the words landed softly š . . . then feeling them again as they landed firmly. š¬ Thank you so much. š
Thank you Corri š
Something I've deeply realised over the past few weeks is this...we associate safety, security and a sense of trigger around money because we focus on the HOW.
For example, earlier everytime I wanted to change my reality in specific ways and my mind automatically went into "oh we'd need this much. For that we'd need X clients, need to work Y hours and bill Z income." It caused that immense duality with money and even when I was present in my power and belief...a weird desperation kept dragging me in.
One day it struck that I don't need to care about how it happens at all. In a way I was limiting myself, by not allowing the universe to surprise me in the best ways. It felt like a click. Once I just let go of this? Life rearranged in 2 weeks.
Everytime we ask for something from a place of pure joy, purpose and happiness, the universe rearranges our whole life...as if waiting for us to just ask. Everytime we ask for X to receive Y we feel a block. I don't know why I felt like sharing this here...but I did.
Also I love love love how the creator retreat held space for you to open up and process in your own way! It's so beautiful Connie!
Connie,
What youāve mapped here isnāt just a tension about money. Itās a sacred, stumbling recognition of where power ends and meaning begins.
Your scene at the Christmas parade laid it bare: the invisible rules about who abundance is for. Thatās the same silent contract we live under every dayāwhere we demand proof of worth from people but grant it automatically to a $20 bill. Weāve been taught that money deserves unconditional acceptance, while humans must earn it through performance, stability, and trust. You felt the violence of that double standard in your bones when you wondered about the unhoused person reaching for the feast. Who is this for? It is a moral question, and money cannot provide an answer.
So your pivot is the truest one: āI do not want money. I want joy. I want ease. I want peace.ā Money can buy the feast, but only the soul can decide who gets a seat at the table. It can purchase comfort, but it cannot manufacture dignity. It can solve problems of form, but it cannot answer the deeper hungerāfor belonging, for safety, for being seen as inherently valuable.
Money can build the table, but only the human heart can decide to make the feast for everyone.