Our love hate relationship with people who inspire us.

And how do we overcome it?

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

I have a love hate relationship with the work of great social media writers.

I love it because it can be so darn entertaining, packed full of practical, doable info, backed by transparent experience and a level of expertise. It inspires me.

I hate it because I come away with stories in my head telling me, “You’ll never be that good! You liar!”

I love it again because it bubbles all my "putting myself out there" issues to the surface. And I can work with stuff that's in my face.

The problem is I so quickly slip into my envy. “Oh, they said that so much better than I could have! I might as well give up. There are so many better writers than me out there.”

Burn baby burn!

I love working out. I love the intensity of it. I love the results and the confidence it gives me. I love being strong. I love how my clothes fit.

And I don’t quit working out just because there are other folks who look more buff and are way more athletic than I am. I’m in awe of Olympiads. Especially gymnasts. Watching Simone Biles and the other greats excites me. To know we humans have the capacity to be all that. wow!

If we have a skill in one area of our life, we can apply it anywhere. I can flex my muscles as a writer for the joy of it. And the joy we put into something is really what feeds the positive side of life.

Achilles heel

My Achilles heel isn’t my physical abilities. Mine is my voice. And my value. And my trust that I can have a golden life that is fueled by my passion. I get into this mental story that tells me others are stealing the spotlight. That there’s no room for me to be a thriving entrepreneur because someone else does it better.

I don’t believe in book burning censorship. But these self defeating stories in my mind are going on the fire. Burn baby burn!

EVERY hurdle in life is the exact fuel we need to grow. My greatest fuel at the moment is my insecurities in reaching my potential. And my fear that sharing my gifts can’t be my source of freedom. There’s a kernel of power in the middle of all that.

That kernel of power is what connects me with the bigger power.

There’s not enough to go around

This is the problem.

This belief, there’s not enough to go around, gets in and wrecks our world. It feeds envy and jealousy and negative self talk.

How bout there is enough. The love molecules that are the foundation of everything are endless. And as we tap into this place we experience unimaginable abundance and the freedom from needing unimaginable abundance.

Sounds good to me!

We have to buy the ticket

Short version of a joke. So this naive but brilliant 20’s something asked God why he wasn’t winning the lottery. And God says, you have to buy a ticket.

I want to own a socially ethical, environmentally boosting, thriving business so I can have money significant enough to make a difference for world healing causes. Personally, I want an inground, year round, salt water pool to quench my love for laps. I want to travel like I did in my 20s. I want to have time to look under every rock to find and experience a life of the unconditional love that oneness offers.

I have to buy the ticket. Not a lottery ticket. I have to feed this quest. With all that I can. Heart and soul and boots to the ground.

Manic is the flip side of depressed

Depression is crippling.

We want to stay in the dark. Not be around people. I used to not trust myself. I couldn’t make social commitments because I never knew the emotional condition I would be in when the event came around.

In my experience of feeding a business in the past, I’ve had the opposite effect. I would go manic. Getting high on the ideas and the process of following through. It doesn’t feel any better than being depressed but I did have energy to keep moving. Until I crashed.

Now I’m catching myself when I feel myself going manic and realizing it’s just my “feel good” emotions going unacknowledged.

The edge of enlightenment

I have a new meditation. I visualize erasing myself. It gets my mind out of the way. It clears up the space inside for the creative flow from the ethers to come in. When this flow happens, I know it’s no longer me. I’m the channeler and the one responsible to bring it in.

When I no longer give much thought to imposter syndrome, I’ll know I’m getting closer to the edge of enlightenment.