Other People Can Have an Amazing Life, But You Can't

How to shut up the lies we tell ourselves

Photo by Carol Highsmith's America on Unsplash

I sank into a depression that I hadn’t felt in years.

I could tell this was going to be a heavy bolder to move. A buried belief to be reckoned with.

I hamster wheeled for a day. Trying to solve it with my mind.

Why do we do this? It never works. The mind just builds to the story that makes the room feel darker. Colder.

Fortunately this time it only lasted a day. I woke up with a crystal clear understanding. Insight. A knowing.

Attachment. It is our biggest menace. It follows us around. Sticks to us like Butterfinger candy bar to a molar. Carving cavities. And then cosmetic fillings. Hairline cracks. Infection. Loss. Reconstruction with a shaft of metal screwed into our jawbone and a prosthetic shiny new piece of plastic. Tooth printed on a 3D printer.

If we can only break loose of attachment. Attachment to things. People. Outcomes.

And relax instead. Allowing emotions to flow through. Allowing the ebb and flow of discomfort. Allowing judgment of the discomfort to be released. Letting everything just be.

The Times They are a Changin’

Bob Dylan was my rock star crush in my teens and 20s.

The movie about his early days of exploding the music world came out and I was dazed, “Must see movie!”

I pestered until I found a friend to join me in our small town, one movie screen theater and told her, “My treat.”

I went to buy tickets online. Sold out. What!?

Another shattered dream.

I made a plan. I would beg. Grovel. Go to the box office after I dropped the kids at theater rehearsal and prayer hands the owner.

“Please! I’ll buy concessions. I’ll dispose of my trash in the proper receptacles on my way out. I’ll sit in the front row. Slouched in my seat so I don’t block anyone's view with my towering 5’3.75” stature. I’ll hold the door open for everyone if there’s a fire. I’ll continue to talk the town about what a hidden gem you are. And how unheard of the customer service is.”

I walked up to the theater manager with my folded hands in place.

He took one look at me. Smiled his suspiciously jolly smile and said, “Chances are someone will cancel. They always do. How many tickets do you want?”

That easy. Who knew?

I had been practicing the Law of Attraction lately. And these tickets were top of the list for manifestations. As I envisioned holding them in my hand.

What a strange thing to study. Getting crystal clear about what you want in your life. Believing it has happened already. And releasing all attachments to it actually happening.

I’m at about 90% being able to do the 1st step. Imagine what I want. The color. The shape. The model and make.

Believing it has happened already. I may be at about 60% on a good day.

But releasing all attachments to it actually happening. Woah. 5%? Maybe?

Releasing attachments and letting go of resistance are 2 of the biggest monsters that stop us in our tracks. They keep us feeling small and powerless.

Guitars and Cadillacs

The movie was fan-f*ing-tastic in my eyes.

One of the things the Bob Dylan character said that really struck me is something like, “You know, people are always asking me how I wrote a certain song. What they’re really saying is, Why can’t that be me!?”

As creatives, why do we crave making masterpieces? Why do we dream of feeling like a rock star with a crowd screaming to experience our creations?

If only. If only we could tap into this level of creative genius. If only we knew how to harness the creative juices and fly them in with a uniqueness the world has never seen before.

Why is this so enticing? What do we think we will get from it all? Fame? Fortune? Value? A sense of being someone significant. Someone who made a difference to people. Someone who touched others in a way no one else has.

The thing that really impacted me about the story painted of Bob Dylan is how on the edge he is. Revolutionalizing. Reaching his full potential. Not backing down from fear of cultural and industry rules and norms. He busted the seams of the rules. Stepped into his calling. Didn’t hold back. Believed in his cause. Channeled it and brought it into the world for everyone to feel. Witness. Share in. Grow from. He added to a movement. He started a movement.

He didn’t dwell on whether he thought his music would be received. Appreciated. Accepted. Hearted. Liked. He just kept moving forward in the direction he was called in.

The man followed his obsession. His passion. His heart. He had a gnawing inside that wouldn’t leave him alone. He turned the Folk music world on its side.

Artwork by Dr. Jenny Lee

Stand tall

I have this kind of obsession with Enlightenment. I know it’s possible. Just like Dylan knew there was revolutionary music to be made that could touch the souls of others. Because he had been touched by other musicians who had tapped into this magic.

I am on a journey to reach an undeniable level of Enlightenment. Like others have. I know I will know when I get there.

And I’m doing this Enlightenment training as I’m a mother. And wife. And nurse. And friend. And daughter. And creative. In the chaos that all these hats bring. I am squeezing in the training. Holding it in the spotlight whenever I remember.

And I feel the very substance I am made of loosening up.

Like detangling the knots out of your child’s long fine hair. You have to gently loosen the hair. You can’t get a brush to it and start raking or the knots will tighten into locks for good.

The loosening up happens as we relax. Allow and welcome our emotions. Quiet the mind. It’s not a lazy, couch potato Netflix kind of relax. It’s a heightened awareness kind of relax.

Relaxing into our higher self. And as we do this, we reach into the well of creation that we are here to be. And the path to continue to expand and understand how to share it becomes more and more clear.

And I’ve noticed it’s easier to hold good posture these days. No small feat for a habitual sloucher.

It naturally happens. When we start to open up.

“Open up your heart and let the light shine through.” - Earworm of the day sung by Billy Jonas in Hollow Bamboo.