"Fake it til you make it" is advice that will suck the life out of you.

Instead you have to weed out the crap that brings you down.

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

A fractured personality that bleeds into every corner of your life is crippling.

Sally Fields crept into my thoughts this week. Her role in Sybil is masterful. It’s a movie about a woman with dissociative identity disorder. We used to call it multiple personality disorder.

It reminds me to pay attention to the characters that fragment my life. They cloud my identity. They grab my spirit and stretch it so far from home, it’s going to snap back and knock someone’s eye out.

These are the ones overtaking the playground today.

Blame is such a bully

Blame comes in and tries to strong-arm us and shove our heart out of the way.

I grew up in a house of blamers. We think it gives us power. When we blame we can make sense of it all. We can put the job of fixing our life onto someone else. I blame my husband for not doing the dishes. I blame the kids for making me feel spread too thin. I blame the cats for getting their hair in my food.

But blame is a thief. He makes us feel small and hide behind him. Blocking us from stepping into our real power.

He takes over the room and robs us of getting to know empathy, compassion, love.

Excuse me Blame. Did you not see the sign?

"Bullies will be escorted out."

Bye!

Past and Future are suffocating the Present

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.” 

The proverb made famous in “The Godfather part 2” was hounding me in my meditation this morning.

I was listening to a guided meditation to help my overactive brain settle. The instructor’s voice is gentle and grounded.

Eyes closed, I was releasing the past and future at the beginning of my meditation. And in my mind's eye, I saw myself getting a big machete and whacking the ties that bind me.

Next thing I know, Past and Future are sitting next to me in lotus pose. Meditating with me.

I was like, "Is this ok for you guys to be here?" Then I remember the instructor reminding me to give myself grace. So I let them sit there and I eventually didn't even notice they were there.

I was in the Present.

Reaction is the downfall of mankind

We react to everything. And don’t even know it.

We’re blindsided with a cortisol fight-or-flight shutdown.

I didn’t realize how toxic and angry I’ve been. Surviving. Dodging life. I didn’t realize how much I project everything outward.

Reaction has dominated my life. Practicing clearing my mind and connecting with the quiet spaciousness inside during daily meditation is helping me catch myself from the reaction rabbit holes.

The spaciousness doesn’t feel profound or blissful. It feels calm. It feels more like getting familiar with another place to go. I’m building a path to a different space that is safe and void of reaction buzz. So I can find it when I’m confronted with the Saber Tooth Tiger.

I’m learning to release the mind when a reaction happens. Drop everything. All thoughts. Pause and check in for literally less than half a minute. And breathe the intensity back inward.

I’ve been draining the power of my connection with my spirit my whole life. I’m grateful for her Ninja Warrior resilience.

And I’m grateful she found me and is walking me back home.

“I Can’t” is not your friend

Free your mind and the rest will follow.

Earworm of the day "thank you" goes out to En Vogue. Thank you ladies!! Now teach me how to move please.

This leads me to the worst advice I ever followed.

“Fake it til you make it.”

It stems from the “I can’t” belief. I can’t do the thing. Quiet the mind, tap into a higher vibrational state, learn to hear my intuition, claim my writer’s voice. These obnoxious beliefs leave the heart out of the game.

I’m a master at going through the motion. Getting the “to do” list checked off. Multi-tasking even though they tell us this is impossible.

My Aunt had a clever tip I picked up on years ago. Her “to do” list was more of a “done that” list. She was a stay at home Mom while my Engineer Uncle worked outside the home. My Aunt would go along her day and as she did whatever inspired her, she would write it down and mark it off. So when my Uncle came home she could impress him with all her accomplishments.

“Fake it til you make it” is just a list of false tasks for me to check off and pretend I accomplished. Meditate to blissfulness. Check. Empathize with my mother. Check. Feel compassion for myself. Check.

I never really did those things. I just lied to myself that I did.

Here’s the advice that is authentically working for me now:

Clear your mind (and the rest will follow).

Simple but nowhere near easy.

Stop comparing.

Remove "I can't" from your friend list.

Embrace right where you are.

"Thank" the unfolding.

Everyday.

Final Thoughts

We all have split personalities in a sense. Pieces of our personality that we think are our friends. Protecting us from the scary, overwhelming, harsh world.

I’m having a last hurrah. A goodbye party. Sending these menaces off to wreak havoc in some other far-off realms. May our paths never cross again. I bid ye farewell.

So long Blame.

Have a nice life Past.

Don’t forget to write home Future. I would love to know what you’re up to.

Be good Reaction.

Sorry “I-Can’t.”

There’s plenty of room on the party wagon. Let me know in the comments who you’re loading onboard and we can wave them hasta la vista, baby.